aegri somnia..

Of Stars and Supernovas

2006-09-17T08:31:00.000+08:00

Gazing up to the midnight blue
Of the darkened skies
A makeshift paradigm of my life
Is spattered across like lines torn
From the pages of my fairy tale

Comets that sped past once in a lifetime
Asteroids that crash into me and take a huge chunk off me
Shooting stars that were out of my reach
Falling stars that were burning at my feet
Supernovas that die in an instant
Each surfacing into an abysmal black hole
That attempts to devoid me of my sanity

Though delirious with its cosmic intricacy
Fascination lingers like a whore’s cheap perfume
On a philanderer’s wardrobe
It tells of its evil yet the more it lures you

The black holes may have found its homage
In the abscesses of my anorexic heart
But I’d rather have fallen stars and supernovas
Than be anchored to solitude

Pipe Dreams on Rainy Days

2006-08-10T08:30:00.000+08:00

Lightning strikes the ground
Thunder echoes across the land
As heaven sends down the tears denied
To comfort the poor mortal that was I

My heart beats ecstatic
As I kiss the deluge of rain
For here I could make believe
Let go and allow myself to pretend
In a few measly moments
I would be drenched with fairy magic
The one that transports me to him

People may shake their heads
In disbelief and in disgust
To behold such a livid spectacle
Of a happily plastered girl soaking wet

Though they will never know
Never bound to understand
Its unadorned mirth of illusion
Its unforgiving pain of reality
And how at the end of the day
I would give up anything
At the cost of losing sanity
For another minute more

Adulterated

2006-06-27T08:26:00.000+08:00

I inhale the smoke
Permit its nicotine poison
Fill my weakened lungs
Hazy images blur my eye

I watch the world revolve
Happily in its twisted axis
Without me
Everything spins dizzyingly
And I am left staring like an idiot

I breathe in deeply
Ascertain that the poison entwines
Into my thinning blood

I light another cigarette
As one fizzles away
Delight in the thought
Of my stolen life minutes
From every intake
My life is draining out
I am not complaining

My Waterloo

2006-05-29T13:32:00.001+08:00

i shiver uncontrollably
in spite of the palpable heat
my heart could not find peace

my calm exterior belies their eyes
for inside is a fragile being
that threatens to shatter any moment
fear has it by the throat
its slender fingers wound tight
i could scarcely breathe

a minute that flew past
was like an hour of muffled agony
tears were blinked back
pleas were swallowed hard
atrophy creeps into my body
for fear has rendered me paralyzed

i gave in as soon as i choked
kissed and made love with cold Death
no one would save me anyway
i would not even save myself

Death over Life

2006-05-29T13:22:00.000+08:00

i hear the somber bells toll
summoning my languid body
dearly beloved Death
is beseeching me once more
must i heed his loving call?

his bony hand snakes around my wrist
beckoning me to his realm
must i take a step forward?
his scythe poised around my neck
teasing me with its treacherous blade
must i pull myself closer and have it pierce me?

i set my blank oculus
to the weary life of the world
trying to muster even a shred of sympathy
but came upon to nothing

i gaze back to Death's face
clutch his beguiling scythe
& begin to hack myself
until my blood poured out
of this hollow shell

Invalid

2006-05-29T13:18:00.000+08:00

i stand naked and immobile
in the midst of a bustling crowd
with forlorn eyes and a twisted mouth

despite the obvious stream of mankind
i hear only an empty echo
deep within the recesses of my heart
i sense the surging saline waters
forming in the corners of my eyes
i feel like an abysmal void
in place of a supposed human being

i can be no more different
to a single stray lamppost
on a dark and deserted alley
with its light bulb shattered
its body bent out of shape
no longer serving its purpose

Free Fall to Arcadia

2006-05-29T13:11:00.000+08:00

as i jump off a cliff
eyes shut tight
arms wide open
a grin spread on my face
like black plague over the people
i anticipate the moment
when i hit the jagged rocks
like an addict waiting for a fix

in a split second
i hear my bones get crushed
feel immense pain rage into my body
then it was all over
a peace settles around me
& there i was
broken beyond recognition
but the smile lingered on

Lachrymal Atonement

2005-12-06T09:40:00.000+08:00

Saline waters
Find their way
To my sallow flesh
Flowing endlessly
From the abysmal pools
Of this four-chambered vessel

Drop by drop
There is a story to tell
Each tear is filled
With unimaginable anguish
Each tear a manifestation
Of unsung sorrow

Its existence an irony
For each one is rooted from euphoria
Each one is borne from utopia

A teardrop serves
As a compensation
For my grave debt
Dues that need be reimbursed
For every moment of bliss
For every slice of heaven
That my undeserving self
Partakes from this temptress of a world

Sanity Has Flown

2005-12-05T12:00:00.000+08:00

I now awake
To another nightmare
A nightmare I could
Never run from nor escape
Clutching my heart in a tight vise
Refusing to release me from its bind

I shut my eyes close
Desiring to sleep
Perchance dream is there
To engulf me whole
Intoxicate me with silence
Distort my consciousness

Yet unseeing and protracted
As my pupils could be
It could neither shield
Nor envision completely
What I had willed my mind
To shamelessly blind and fool me

But no, never
Could my sought after
Be ever grasped
By these puny hands of mine
For sanity had grown its wings
Forever departed from this life

Otherworldly Realism

2005-12-04T09:42:00.000+08:00

It may seem
That my poor heart
Has gone through the worst
It has ever known
It had traversed
The heights of heaven
And the depths of hell

It may feel
That this heart
May never want
To open itself up again

But somehow
It has found peace at last
For in a brief moment
Of this dismal existence

My heart had loved
And had been loved in return
By the very person
It had always dreamt of
And never thought would ever find
Fairytales do come true

Musings in the Dark

2005-12-03T09:42:00.000+08:00

Twilight materializes
I am in solitude
There is no crowd
To pretend to

The silence is torture
For I could hear
How my heart cries
I could feel its pain

It hurts me most
For I have no choice
But to act as if
It never existed
Be deaf to its pleas

How can I tell my heart
That he’s truly gone
That he no longer
Seeks for me but for her
That it is she whom he loves

Why do I have to be
The murderer of my inane heart

Girl Non-Existent

2005-11-16T12:21:00.000+08:00

As the blazing sun
Begins to obscure its face
With the lush dark greens
Of the willowing trees
A pallid apparition
Worked itself into the crowd

No trace of a smile
Could be seen on its lips
Not even a faint glimmer
Of light be reflected in its eyes
Her face was like that
Of a mask frozen in time

Though seemingly distant
Like a picture unperturbed
Inside of her was a tumult
Of unbidden emotions
Wailing in sheer protest
To be recognized and known

In truth she was no ghost
Of flesh and blood she is made
Yet she is one and the same
For she remains to be unseen
By the very person she had wished
To behold and find her true

No Wooden Puppet

2005-11-09T16:06:00.000+08:00

I wish God will be reminded today
That I am no wooden puppet
That can be taken out when needed
And be put back when the show is over

The strings serve as the noose
That clutches my throat
Strangling me to death

I am all flesh and blood
I can feel the gentleness of joy
I can feel the sharpness of pain
I sing with happiness
I cry with sorrow

I am no wooden puppet
I am a human struggling to live
Cut me and I bleed
Stab me and I die

Spare me Lord
I wish to be seen not found

Muted Darkness

2005-09-19T09:34:00.000+08:00

Shadows has set foot
On our earthen land
Though its presence
No longer invites the chill
To immerse itself into my heart

For the thought of you
And your saccharine love
Had me encapsulated
Liberating such great warmth and joy
To come to me who has long been isolated

Dawn may have tomorrow
Yet to gloriously unfurl
The brilliant sun's rays
But I need its light no more
For you had already spilled
Your life to intertwine with mine

Incarcerated

2005-08-11T12:25:00.000+08:00

Thy love is my chain
Thy soul is my ball
I am weighed down and bound
To the fires of your hell

I scream my voice hoarse
In the hopes that you'll be moved by me
Or rouse beloved death
And be taken away into nothingness

All efforts seemingly futile
For you remain impassive and cold
But death had arriveth
Harnessing my abused soul

I am incarcerated
For a grain of God's time
To die and decay
'Til you are no more

Saccharine Delirium

2005-07-07T12:06:00.000+08:00

A nervous tic in my eye
An anxious twitch in my lip
A thousand thoughts twined
To the blood rushing to my brain

Vivid memories flash swiftly
Blood-stained concrete walls
Gut-strewn wooden floor
Enveloped with a rancid smell

Deafening noises drown each other out
Screams of tormented horror
Moans of intense suffering
Pleas of mercy for a life

I laugh out loud maniacally
As the vengeful scenes come to mind
My unfeeling heart bleeds not for
The act I have unlawfully executed

Before my muddied feet
Lay the remains of a dark man
In a state of decomposition
Cut open and smeared with gore

His earthen grave waits
Like a yawning pit in the night
As lightning strikes from afar
Revealing a girl with murder in her eyes

On The Verge

2005-07-06T12:00:00.000+08:00

I rest my sullen cheek
On a frosted-up window
My woeful eyes I fixate
Upon the tempest before me

As I withhold my sight
Isolate all sensations
Alienate all thoughts
I become one with the chaos

The roaring thunder
Could not be any louder than
The yawning chasm within me
Eating up my consciousness

The bone-chilling gale
Could not be any colder than
The intense numbness in me
Infecting all of my senses

The pouring rain
Could not be as numerous as
The saline fluid that has been
Sheltering in my irises

As the ravaging storm howls
So does my dying soul
For inside I am but
A tempest of pain and sorrow

Aegri Somnia

2005-06-14T17:15:00.000+08:00

Morpheus come to me
Embrace me into your realm
Where dream resides
Where despair is a trace

Inhale the opium vapors
Delight in its haze
Wallow in intoxication
Seek out the oblivion

Delirium is at its toes
Chasing me murderously
Waiting for my guts to spill
Further blind me to the truth

Death lick my wounds
Clot out the bloody flesh
Consume the continual destruction
Of the fiber of my very being

Rendezvous with desire
Stoke up the white hot flame
Of my encumbered spirit
Release it from destiny's bind

Morpheus come to me
Capsulate me to a trance
There I'll seduce the tranquility
Rape my elusive sanity

In Death's Mercy

2005-06-13T17:08:00.000+08:00

Death you thief
You've stolen my world
There's no damned thing
That I could call my own

Such is the antipathy I feel
For your shameless pretense
Further is my veiled envy
To the souls liberated by you

Why does it have to be me
Who was always punished
By the seemingly never-ending
String of anguish and woe

Why does it have to be me
Who had to carry the burden
Of such a bitter misfortune
Of a tragic deprivation

You have pained me well
I can imagine you gloating
Over my earthly carcass
Delighting in my agony

Slit my throat now
Warm your filthy hands
With my noxious blood
I am at your disposal

Fata Morgana

2005-06-02T14:30:00.000+08:00

Purge my emotions out
Of this four-chambered vessel
Hold fast to this foolishness
That has been fostered by an illusion

Wake up from this I must
This could be nothing more than
A mere figment of my imagination
A dream that conjured up in my mind
And took form in my twisted reality

Self-preservation is mine to achieve
I only have myself to swear by
To be betrayed by one is like
Being fed with lies by the world itself

Hitherto I myself am deceived
By my very own consciousness
I am left with no other choice
But to murder the voice inside
Giving way to a truer embodiment

Not that the populace would notice
Not that the cosmos would give a damn
You did not see me before
So how and why would you see me now?

Red-Handed Existence

2005-05-27T18:22:00.000+08:00

Behold the blood in my hands
No water could wash them off
Some has already coursed through my veins
Taking its control over me

It serves as a screaming reminder
Of the bitter truths I hide from
The reddish gore has never left me alone
Clinging to me like a dirt-cheap whore

As night befalls the earthen floor
Voices within me become intolerable
Their continuous mockery and taunting
Led to my sanity's hopeless demise

The piteous cries of her unborn child
The maniacal curses of a scorned lover
The frustrated admonitions of an old woman
All have found a dwelling in my being

I am a cold-blooded murderer
I have thoughtlessly killed them all
No saline-filled eyes or gangrene wounds
Can desensitize the remorse I now hold

My insides are maggot-infested
This is but a hollow shell
I have come upon no peace
The dead never sleeps

Utopian Vagabonds

2005-05-12T10:44:00.000+08:00

With your dreamy eyes
Frames a view of nirvana
A state of total oblivion
From the chaos around

Like a rivulet of blood
I pulsated into your life
Intertwining drop by drop
Into your earnest veins

A distorted image of me
Is projected in your starry irises
Painting my exposed being
With a vividly brilliant hue

Free flowing in a haze
Swimming with schools of piranhas
Two lackadaisical reprobates
Enclosed in a mental lethargy

Sudden frail manifestations
Of unknown sensibilities
Before further roused from comatose
Took a dose of suicidal asphyxia

Aversely pulled out apart
By the atrocious reality
A gloomy trace remains
The escapist's dream we once shared

Mea Culpa

2005-05-11T10:26:00.000+08:00

A frail body soaked in blood
Almost inanimate and c0ld
Unseeing protracted eyes
Fixated at a hallowed icon

Jagged razors on the floor
Disarrayed yards of rope
Broken bottles and spilled drugs
A smoking rifle in her hand

Giving way to razor-slashed wrists
The rope burns in her neck
The froth filling her mouth
A gunshot wound in the chest

As the sheets turn crimson
The winds outside howled loudly
For one breath of life is again
Spiraling to sheer vacuity

Her bleak mirthless mortality
Swiftly flashes before her
Long-buried memories of pain
Reminiscence of short-lived joy

So it goes for one death
Another life must be repaid
The cycle of life never ends
Mea culpa, mea culpa

Channel Surfing

2005-05-10T11:11:00.000+08:00

I watch the people pass me by
A hazy blur of mankind
All seemingly in a hurry
To get to nowhere land

No one knows where
This will all lead to
No one knows why
You are even existing

You all traverse an unknown map
You all witness unfamiliar sights
You all search for a reason
You all hope to find a purpose

My eyes dance with muted laughter
As I silently curse everyone
You don't know where you're heading
You don't know why you're here

You are nothing
Nothing but a tiny pea
In a rattling iron-cast pan
Lost with a thousand others

So I sit back and relax
To gleefully watch the TV
Of shallow scenes of pretense
And petty episodes of shams

Beholding It All Fade Out

2005-05-09T11:32:00.000+08:00

A heavy mist has fallen
The somber sun is down
I stood there alone
Beholding it all fade out

Darkness slowly creeps in
Where pain and sorrow arrives
It is where the skies are not seen
Beholding it all fade out

Hearts for revenge
Wanting in deep anger
Calling my name
Beholding it all fade out

Enraged hateful souls
With outstretched calloused hands
Tried to pull me down
Beholding it all fade out

Tired of painful existence
I was another desolate being
Who gave up on holding on
Beholding it all fade out

Mired in murky waters
Not a single shred of desire
In ever resurfacing back
Beholding it all fade out

A Call to Death

2005-05-08T11:27:00.000+08:00

Hell could pale in comparison
To the heated remorse I feel
Oh death where are you
To claim this willing life

I beseech you death
Do what it is you wish
This subservient lover
Cannot wait any longer

Existence does not become me
For with every breath I take
Kills me more inside instead
Oh death arriveth at my door

Everyday living is trivial
I am suffocated with lies
I am strangled by remorse
I am bound and gagged by misery

Take me now oh glorious death
Bring me to your dark abode
Free me from these chains
Give me what I've always desired

My irises dilated fast
My heart had beat its last
I had succumbed to you death
Now I'm living the life, just you and me

Salvation to the Dead

2005-05-07T10:20:00.000+08:00

Darkness encapsulate me
Immerse in full lethargy
Where Time's hands has ceased
Chasing each other's ends

Floating serenely
In a blood-filled pool
Lulled to sleepiness
By a thousand skeletons

Saline-washed irises
Sees nothing more
But broken illusions
And jaded dreams

Acid burned flesh
Feels only the numbness
Of searing pain
And never-ending sorrow

Conquer the blinding light
Seduce the hypocritical hope
Lure the pathetic love
To devour them in your abyss

The world has nothing more
To offer to my dismantled life
I can see right through them all
Salvage me from their deceit

Peace in the Arms of Morpheus

2005-05-06T11:36:00.000+08:00

As the midnight hour strikes
A lonely owl hoots in a distance
The entire place becomes somber
With the luminous moon above

Barely audible sounds reach my ears
Lovers muffling their moans of pleasure
Parents stifling an overfatigued sigh
A baby letting off a cry for hunger

I begin to block them out my mind
To achieve my most beloved state
A complete detachment to the world
Amidst the tranquil stupor of slumber

Within the walls of my astral trance
I am once again liberated
From the restrictions of reality
And the confines of the bitter truth

I turn into anyone I want to be
A girl out of a prolonged depression
A woman living in pure contentment
A person who lived a full life

With my dreams I am everything
So wake me not from my restful sleep
For from here on in unravels
My sweetest escape to nirvana

Orphan Girl

2004-10-13T17:49:00.000+08:00

She retched her guts out
In an old rusty basin
A murky pool of spit and blood
Disgustingly mixed up

She wiped her mouth dry
With a torn, worn-out sleeve
For she is a shambles
Draped with ragged clothing

An orphan with soulless eyes
Staring blankly at a yellowed picture
Amidst a sea of broken glass
Covered with bleeding incisions

Oblivious to the smell of decay
That envelopes the tiny room
An obsessed and mirthless smile
Is plastered to her gaunt face

She limped across the room
Dragging her lame skinny legs
Picking up a twisted silver spoon
Along with a shallow tin plate

Slowly she scooped the goopy contents
Holding it out to her most beloved
“Open your mouth wide dearest”
She pleaded to the rotting corpse

Hell With You All

2004-08-22T17:47:00.000+08:00

A thousand blank faces
All muttering trivialities
All chattering gaily
All incoherently speaking to the other

I clap my hands over my ears
Trying to mute the noise
Rejecting all the nonsense
Being spat out by the bedeviled tongues

Shut up you imbeciles
These ears are beaten up
It is way fed up already
With your nonsensical talk

Can’t you see it bleeding
From putting up with you all
Saying how I should do this
Telling me how I ought to live

Did you think I would care
To your unsolicited concerns
Did you think I would bleed
For your ambiguous opinion

To hell with you all
This life is mine alone
I’d live the way I want it
Risking my all ‘till no more

Death, Life and I

2004-08-07T17:47:00.000+08:00

I was made to choose
Between life and death
My mind reeled in
My heart throbbed fast

I took a view of life
It breathes new things
Fresh as an open wound
In a hurting human

I took a view of death
It murders everything
Cold as a rotted flesh
In an unfeeling human

Life tried to entice me
With its rousing joys and pains
Death tried to haggle
With its haunting numbness

It was such a thrill
To behold this comedy
An ensuing struggle of possession
For this pathetically hapless soul

My turn in this charade came
“You’ve lost me forever,
O sweet innocent Life,
I’ve long surrendered to Death”

Vampire Lestat

2004-08-01T17:50:00.000+08:00

Where oh where is my beloved?
Oh where are you Lestat?
I called out your name yonder
But your voice I hear not

Where oh where is my beloved?
Oh where are you Lestat?
I searched the fields undaunted
But your face I see not

Where oh where is my beloved?
Oh where are you Lestat?
I trudged in the winter chill
But your warmth I feel not

Where oh where is my beloved?
Oh where are you Lestat?
I cry out to the world in vain
But your presence I sense not

Where oh where is my beloved?
Oh where are you Lestat?
The angel of death has claimed you
But your love remains here still

Bliss and Madness

2004-07-12T17:45:00.000+08:00

I bid the world goodbye
For I don’t see purpose anymore
In staying any longer
Here with my so-called life

A lot of things I’ll surely miss
The fiery vivacity of rainbows
The comfort of the pouring rain
The mystery of the starry night

I happily leave the things I hate
The bewitching spell of vices
The alluring charm of sin
The eternal vortex of chaos

Oh how I’d miss them all
People who have pained me well
People who have loved me true
People who have changed me

The things I had so adored
Far more outweigh those I abhor
As friendship overcomes betrayal
Love overruling hatred

Still the time has come
For me to peacefully depart
From this torn life that existed
In this world of bliss and madness

A Corpse's Eulogy

2004-07-05T17:45:00.000+08:00

Inside of me
Are the maggots feeding
Sucking out
My flesh and blood

Drowned screams
No one seems to hear
Calloused hands
No one seems to reach out to

Pitied glances
Falsely thrown my way
Words of consolation
Insincerely uttered to me

You insolent fools
How dare you think
I could actually be moved
By your pretentiousness

I am diseased
Yet you refuse to see
I am dying
But you do not believe

Soon I’ll rise up above
My charred remains
Soaring over everyone else
Flying out to oblivion

Death Won Her Over

2004-06-28T17:44:00.000+08:00

Ragged shallow breaths
She lies in a convulsed state
A cold sweat has broken
In her sickly pale skin

Rough calloused hands
She clutches the blanket tight
Seeking the comforting warmth
Her frail body couldn’t offer

Frantic dilated eyes
She roams it all around
Searching for a light minute
To help her find a way out

Lanky atrophied legs
She commands for it to move
Besieged inside her thoughts
Escape was beyond reach

Death has arrived
Its cruel cackle chilling her bones
Its decomposed smell wrinkling her nose
A scythe posed around her neck

A duel for her life ensues
She tugs pathetically at a thread
Her cries fell on deaf ears
Death has won the battle

A Walk with Condemnation

2004-06-24T17:42:00.000+08:00

I walk in solitude
The path I grisly walk on
Is slowly becoming shrouded
With intense darkness

I see them all
Lush green trees wither
Fully bloomed flowers wilt
Nature’s beauty dries out

I hear them all
Lovely nightingales out of tune
Lively cicadas on mute
Joyful hymns drowns out

I behold them all
The bright sun goes out
The pouring rain sets in
Each and everything grows dark

Indeed with each tottering step
My world falls apart
All happiness burns out
All living thing dies

I am damned
Everything I touch
Everything I come in contact with
Is snatched out by death

Monster Within

2004-06-18T17:39:00.000+08:00

I cannot breathe
I do not belong here
How I wish escape
Would be easily at hand

As the dawn breaks
I pull on my mask
To hide away the darkness
No one wants to see

The warm hellos
The wistful goodbyes
That everyone exchanges
Just to keep pace with fraudulence

You would not like me
If you really knew me
The sight of the real me
Would scare you away

A monster lives within
Underneath my skin
Feeding on the pains
Living only on hatred

I am a monster
A cold hearted beast
Into the eternal vortex
Of chaos, I thrive

Vampire Lover

2004-06-09T17:54:00.000+08:00

Luring quietly in the dark
Cold hard eyes roam free
Searching for a sign of life
In the cobblestone path

His thirst is undeniable
The need of flesh grows more
Like a flash of light
The predator sees its prey

Unmindful of the world
A girl forlornly walks by
Closing in on her
The monster hungrily lunges

Sinking deep to her fair skin
He draws out the blood
Inadvertedly glancing at her face
His vision felt betrayed

Warm caring eyes stared back
Willfully she submits herself
As an unsullied life preserver
For his starved being to feed on

In a crude sickening way
She lovingly dies for him to live
And there’s no mistaking
With the frozen smile on her now blue lips

Charismata

2004-06-08T17:38:00.000+08:00

As the blanket drops
The floodgates open up
Unshed tears find their way
Down her sullen cheeks

Her stifled cries
And anguished moans
Were unheard of
By anyone who knows her

For when she walks amongst us
With that lively gait
No one would have guessed
How miserable she felt inside

And when she looks up to you
With her cheerful grin
You wouldn’t have guessed
How practiced her smile was

No, we wouldn’t have guessed
That just a while ago
She was lying flat on the floor
Shattered and wretched

For the world is her stage
Play up her misty eyes
Force a smile upon her lips
And the lookers-on believe

Two-Face Existence

2004-05-29T17:36:00.000+08:00

I am a masquerade
Living two identities
Here within the stage floor
Of our so-called society

I hold up two faces
Both are total opposites
But both exist together
For reasons untold

One was the face
Of love and light
Whilst the other
Of hatred and darkness

I never created the dark one
Somebody else had
Someone had breathed life
Into the horrible mask

Thus it devours wholly
You pretentious prudes
Paving the way neatly
For the one yet to be unfurled

To see what is hidden away
Is a privilege unknown
For it does not yet belong
To live within the chaos

Reality Bites

2004-05-26T17:37:00.000+08:00

I am sinking
Into the abysmal void
For I find no escape
From the clutches of hardship

Little by little
My spirit slips away
For I am exhausted
With the never-ending twists and turns

I find no rest here
This is killing me
I wish for this masquerade
To close down its curtains

I shun this façade I wear
I have nary a care anymore
To the dismayed authorities
And the audience of hypocrites

No chains of yours
Can hold me down in hell again
No taunting about your lips
Can suppress my struggling soul once more

I cherish now the life
I had always wanted to live
This is the real me
And there’s no turning back

Poseur in Question

2004-05-19T11:08:00.000+08:00

feels as if my life
is being sucked out
my day-to-day existence
holds no significance

what is it that i lack
am i a raven without wings
a portrait without color
a story without its ending

why do i hide from thy eyes
am i a rose without thorns
a turtle out its shell
a human in naked splendor

what is this emptiness i feel
am i a well without water
a mind without memory
a sky without its sun

what is it that i live for
i am incomplete
i am vulnerable
i am meaningless

what is before you now
is what you wish to see
if the truth is what you seek
learn first how to cope with it

Crow in the flock of Doves

2004-05-17T10:37:00.000+08:00

trudging slowly
down this derogatory path
i felt like a crow
in the flock of doves

no sense of belonging
could be manifested
within this ill-infested
air of hypocrisy

much to my desire
i am outcasted
for i refuse to bow
to their overbearing power

i may be lost
in this mocking darkness
though i'm never weary to try
finding out my light

liberation is what i crave for
from their prying eyes
the unsolicited incriminations
and haughty state of mind

i had chosen to carve
a different course for myself
defying all the norms
rebelling against the odds

Death: Love/Hate

2004-05-16T10:08:00.000+08:00

i am all alone
in this cold fortress
mourning for what it is
that i have lost

how i despise you
oh relentless death
for claiming what was
once mine to hold

my voice could no longer
be heard to where you are
though your greedy cackle
still rings fresh to my ears

my hands are of no use
it shan't reach you now
though your horrid stench
still lingers about

let me not suffer the loss
here in solitude
no words from around
could console me anymore

hearken what i beseech
oh merciless death
do not shut me out
invite me in

Shadow-Cloaked Knave

2004-05-09T06:40:00.000+08:00

'tis coming near
giving way
to the rotting stench
of its maggoty flesh

hear the screams
from yonder below
the yawning pit
of remorseful voices

see the darkness
devouring you
by its endless abyss
of complete nothingness

feel the coldness
from around you
the decomposed earth
of the spoilt blood

eyes open wide
roaming freely
frantic glances
dilated pupils

death is there
cloaked by shadows
like a thief in the night
preying for your soul

A Price So High

2004-04-08T15:24:00.000+08:00

i had sinned
a great sin
against each and everyone
i had ever loved

i do admit
to my wrongfulness
to my wicked ways
almost unforgivable

i do admit
to abused trust
to wasted time
forever lost

now i'm paying
every debt i owe
each with a price
so high i can't afford

i lost it all
everything i held
so dear to me
with one lie

my whole life
crashed before me
still paying debts
'til death devours me

How To Persecute Me

2004-03-19T09:50:00.000+08:00

tie me up in a tree
hang my noose tight
sharpen my guillotine
see the window of death
yet it wouldn't kill me

dismember me piece by piece
flay me to bleed
flog my body to waste
smell the stench of death
yet it wouldn't slay me

why go for the kill
when you can go for the pain
push me away from you
condemn me into exile
and my soul dies beneath your hateful stare

A Girl Scorned

2004-03-17T17:53:00.000+08:00

Remorse was building
Ready to shout blame
Through my lips
Screaming
Anger was hovering
Poised to shoot arrows
Through my eyes
Scheming
Hatred was abound
Pulsating itself
Through my veins
Conniving
Madness was flared
About to overtake
Through my entirety
Threatening

My Vampire Lestat

2004-03-09T17:52:00.000+08:00

Do you know Lestat?
He was a vampire
Once mine
He had eyes
That was filled
With a burning desire
For love unconditional
He had lips
That was blood-red
Unmoving and untouched
By words of warmth
He had a face
That was etched
Skillfully and deftly
In cold splendor
He had arms
That could either
Solicit life’s comfort
Or usher you to death’s door
He has traversed
Leisurely traipsed
To the heights of bliss
And to the jagged desolation
He has opened
Before my feet
A path to lightness
Another leading to darkness
I chose darkness, his abode
Just as he stepped out
To the blinding sun
Leaving his burned ashes behind

Don't Go Lestat

2004-02-27T17:52:00.000+08:00

Lestat
Don’t go to where
I cannot follow you
Why can’t you stay here?
Oh Lestat
Don’t plead with me
With those sad eyes of yours
Why don’t you hear my plea?
Lestat
Don’t blow away kisses
Or sing the last song
Why don’t you stop the goodbyes?
Oh Lestat
Don’t give up easily
It’s not the end of it
Why don’t you live life fully?
Lestat
Don’t go to where
My feet cannot bring me to
Why don’t you see that I am here?

My Sick Sad World

2004-01-30T17:51:00.000+08:00

Ever lived
A life of pretense
A masquerade
With shams as its theme

Ever been stuck
In the haunted past
A plant deeply rooted
With no chance of moving

Ever been lost
In wishful thinking
An uncharted land
With nowhere to go

Yours truly did
Struggling for freedom
In this sick sad world

A Fool's Wish

2004-01-19T17:50:00.000+08:00

Willingly
I’ve bound myself
To a love uncertain

Willingly
I’ve chosen to wait
For a love unrequited

Willingly
I’ve imprisoned my heart
To a love unnoticed

Willingly
I’ve exposed myself
To a future unknown