Lachrymal Atonement

Saline waters
Find their way
To my sallow flesh
Flowing endlessly
From the abysmal pools
Of this four-chambered vessel

Drop by drop
There is a story to tell
Each tear is filled
With unimaginable anguish
Each tear a manifestation
Of unsung sorrow

Its existence an irony
For each one is rooted from euphoria
Each one is borne from utopia

A teardrop serves
As a compensation
For my grave debt
Dues that need be reimbursed
For every moment of bliss
For every slice of heaven
That my undeserving self
Partakes from this temptress of a world

Sanity Has Flown

I now awake
To another nightmare
A nightmare I could
Never run from nor escape
Clutching my heart in a tight vise
Refusing to release me from its bind

I shut my eyes close
Desiring to sleep
Perchance dream is there
To engulf me whole
Intoxicate me with silence
Distort my consciousness

Yet unseeing and protracted
As my pupils could be
It could neither shield
Nor envision completely
What I had willed my mind
To shamelessly blind and fool me

But no, never
Could my sought after
Be ever grasped
By these puny hands of mine
For sanity had grown its wings
Forever departed from this life

Otherworldly Realism

It may seem
That my poor heart
Has gone through the worst
It has ever known
It had traversed
The heights of heaven
And the depths of hell

It may feel
That this heart
May never want
To open itself up again

But somehow
It has found peace at last
For in a brief moment
Of this dismal existence

My heart had loved
And had been loved in return
By the very person
It had always dreamt of
And never thought would ever find
Fairytales do come true

Musings in the Dark

Twilight materializes
I am in solitude
There is no crowd
To pretend to

The silence is torture
For I could hear
How my heart cries
I could feel its pain

It hurts me most
For I have no choice
But to act as if
It never existed
Be deaf to its pleas

How can I tell my heart
That he’s truly gone
That he no longer
Seeks for me but for her
That it is she whom he loves

Why do I have to be
The murderer of my inane heart

Girl Non-Existent

As the blazing sun
Begins to obscure its face
With the lush dark greens
Of the willowing trees
A pallid apparition
Worked itself into the crowd

No trace of a smile
Could be seen on its lips
Not even a faint glimmer
Of light be reflected in its eyes
Her face was like that
Of a mask frozen in time

Though seemingly distant
Like a picture unperturbed
Inside of her was a tumult
Of unbidden emotions
Wailing in sheer protest
To be recognized and known

In truth she was no ghost
Of flesh and blood she is made
Yet she is one and the same
For she remains to be unseen
By the very person she had wished
To behold and find her true

No Wooden Puppet

I wish God will be reminded today
That I am no wooden puppet
That can be taken out when needed
And be put back when the show is over

The strings serve as the noose
That clutches my throat
Strangling me to death

I am all flesh and blood
I can feel the gentleness of joy
I can feel the sharpness of pain
I sing with happiness
I cry with sorrow

I am no wooden puppet
I am a human struggling to live
Cut me and I bleed
Stab me and I die

Spare me Lord
I wish to be seen not found

Muted Darkness

Shadows has set foot
On our earthen land
Though its presence
No longer invites the chill
To immerse itself into my heart

For the thought of you
And your saccharine love
Had me encapsulated
Liberating such great warmth and joy
To come to me who has long been isolated

Dawn may have tomorrow
Yet to gloriously unfurl
The brilliant sun's rays
But I need its light no more
For you had already spilled
Your life to intertwine with mine

Incarcerated

Thy love is my chain
Thy soul is my ball
I am weighed down and bound
To the fires of your hell

I scream my voice hoarse
In the hopes that you'll be moved by me
Or rouse beloved death
And be taken away into nothingness

All efforts seemingly futile
For you remain impassive and cold
But death had arriveth
Harnessing my abused soul

I am incarcerated
For a grain of God's time
To die and decay
'Til you are no more

Saccharine Delirium

A nervous tic in my eye
An anxious twitch in my lip
A thousand thoughts twined
To the blood rushing to my brain

Vivid memories flash swiftly
Blood-stained concrete walls
Gut-strewn wooden floor
Enveloped with a rancid smell

Deafening noises drown each other out
Screams of tormented horror
Moans of intense suffering
Pleas of mercy for a life

I laugh out loud maniacally
As the vengeful scenes come to mind
My unfeeling heart bleeds not for
The act I have unlawfully executed

Before my muddied feet
Lay the remains of a dark man
In a state of decomposition
Cut open and smeared with gore

His earthen grave waits
Like a yawning pit in the night
As lightning strikes from afar
Revealing a girl with murder in her eyes

On The Verge

I rest my sullen cheek
On a frosted-up window
My woeful eyes I fixate
Upon the tempest before me

As I withhold my sight
Isolate all sensations
Alienate all thoughts
I become one with the chaos

The roaring thunder
Could not be any louder than
The yawning chasm within me
Eating up my consciousness

The bone-chilling gale
Could not be any colder than
The intense numbness in me
Infecting all of my senses

The pouring rain
Could not be as numerous as
The saline fluid that has been
Sheltering in my irises

As the ravaging storm howls
So does my dying soul
For inside I am but
A tempest of pain and sorrow

Aegri Somnia

Morpheus come to me
Embrace me into your realm
Where dream resides
Where despair is a trace

Inhale the opium vapors
Delight in its haze
Wallow in intoxication
Seek out the oblivion

Delirium is at its toes
Chasing me murderously
Waiting for my guts to spill
Further blind me to the truth

Death lick my wounds
Clot out the bloody flesh
Consume the continual destruction
Of the fiber of my very being

Rendezvous with desire
Stoke up the white hot flame
Of my encumbered spirit
Release it from destiny's bind

Morpheus come to me
Capsulate me to a trance
There I'll seduce the tranquility
Rape my elusive sanity

In Death's Mercy

Death you thief
You've stolen my world
There's no damned thing
That I could call my own

Such is the antipathy I feel
For your shameless pretense
Further is my veiled envy
To the souls liberated by you

Why does it have to be me
Who was always punished
By the seemingly never-ending
String of anguish and woe

Why does it have to be me
Who had to carry the burden
Of such a bitter misfortune
Of a tragic deprivation

You have pained me well
I can imagine you gloating
Over my earthly carcass
Delighting in my agony

Slit my throat now
Warm your filthy hands
With my noxious blood
I am at your disposal

Fata Morgana

Purge my emotions out
Of this four-chambered vessel
Hold fast to this foolishness
That has been fostered by an illusion

Wake up from this I must
This could be nothing more than
A mere figment of my imagination
A dream that conjured up in my mind
And took form in my twisted reality

Self-preservation is mine to achieve
I only have myself to swear by
To be betrayed by one is like
Being fed with lies by the world itself

Hitherto I myself am deceived
By my very own consciousness
I am left with no other choice
But to murder the voice inside
Giving way to a truer embodiment

Not that the populace would notice
Not that the cosmos would give a damn
You did not see me before
So how and why would you see me now?

Red-Handed Existence

Behold the blood in my hands
No water could wash them off
Some has already coursed through my veins
Taking its control over me

It serves as a screaming reminder
Of the bitter truths I hide from
The reddish gore has never left me alone
Clinging to me like a dirt-cheap whore

As night befalls the earthen floor
Voices within me become intolerable
Their continuous mockery and taunting
Led to my sanity's hopeless demise

The piteous cries of her unborn child
The maniacal curses of a scorned lover
The frustrated admonitions of an old woman
All have found a dwelling in my being

I am a cold-blooded murderer
I have thoughtlessly killed them all
No saline-filled eyes or gangrene wounds
Can desensitize the remorse I now hold

My insides are maggot-infested
This is but a hollow shell
I have come upon no peace
The dead never sleeps

Utopian Vagabonds

With your dreamy eyes
Frames a view of nirvana
A state of total oblivion
From the chaos around

Like a rivulet of blood
I pulsated into your life
Intertwining drop by drop
Into your earnest veins

A distorted image of me
Is projected in your starry irises
Painting my exposed being
With a vividly brilliant hue

Free flowing in a haze
Swimming with schools of piranhas
Two lackadaisical reprobates
Enclosed in a mental lethargy

Sudden frail manifestations
Of unknown sensibilities
Before further roused from comatose
Took a dose of suicidal asphyxia

Aversely pulled out apart
By the atrocious reality
A gloomy trace remains
The escapist's dream we once shared

Mea Culpa

A frail body soaked in blood
Almost inanimate and c0ld
Unseeing protracted eyes
Fixated at a hallowed icon

Jagged razors on the floor
Disarrayed yards of rope
Broken bottles and spilled drugs
A smoking rifle in her hand

Giving way to razor-slashed wrists
The rope burns in her neck
The froth filling her mouth
A gunshot wound in the chest

As the sheets turn crimson
The winds outside howled loudly
For one breath of life is again
Spiraling to sheer vacuity

Her bleak mirthless mortality
Swiftly flashes before her
Long-buried memories of pain
Reminiscence of short-lived joy

So it goes for one death
Another life must be repaid
The cycle of life never ends
Mea culpa, mea culpa

Channel Surfing

I watch the people pass me by
A hazy blur of mankind
All seemingly in a hurry
To get to nowhere land

No one knows where
This will all lead to
No one knows why
You are even existing

You all traverse an unknown map
You all witness unfamiliar sights
You all search for a reason
You all hope to find a purpose

My eyes dance with muted laughter
As I silently curse everyone
You don't know where you're heading
You don't know why you're here

You are nothing
Nothing but a tiny pea
In a rattling iron-cast pan
Lost with a thousand others

So I sit back and relax
To gleefully watch the TV
Of shallow scenes of pretense
And petty episodes of shams

Beholding It All Fade Out

A heavy mist has fallen
The somber sun is down
I stood there alone
Beholding it all fade out

Darkness slowly creeps in
Where pain and sorrow arrives
It is where the skies are not seen
Beholding it all fade out

Hearts for revenge
Wanting in deep anger
Calling my name
Beholding it all fade out

Enraged hateful souls
With outstretched calloused hands
Tried to pull me down
Beholding it all fade out

Tired of painful existence
I was another desolate being
Who gave up on holding on
Beholding it all fade out

Mired in murky waters
Not a single shred of desire
In ever resurfacing back
Beholding it all fade out

A Call to Death

Hell could pale in comparison
To the heated remorse I feel
Oh death where are you
To claim this willing life

I beseech you death
Do what it is you wish
This subservient lover
Cannot wait any longer

Existence does not become me
For with every breath I take
Kills me more inside instead
Oh death arriveth at my door

Everyday living is trivial
I am suffocated with lies
I am strangled by remorse
I am bound and gagged by misery

Take me now oh glorious death
Bring me to your dark abode
Free me from these chains
Give me what I've always desired

My irises dilated fast
My heart had beat its last
I had succumbed to you death
Now I'm living the life, just you and me

Salvation to the Dead

Darkness encapsulate me
Immerse in full lethargy
Where Time's hands has ceased
Chasing each other's ends

Floating serenely
In a blood-filled pool
Lulled to sleepiness
By a thousand skeletons

Saline-washed irises
Sees nothing more
But broken illusions
And jaded dreams

Acid burned flesh
Feels only the numbness
Of searing pain
And never-ending sorrow

Conquer the blinding light
Seduce the hypocritical hope
Lure the pathetic love
To devour them in your abyss

The world has nothing more
To offer to my dismantled life
I can see right through them all
Salvage me from their deceit

Peace in the Arms of Morpheus

As the midnight hour strikes
A lonely owl hoots in a distance
The entire place becomes somber
With the luminous moon above

Barely audible sounds reach my ears
Lovers muffling their moans of pleasure
Parents stifling an overfatigued sigh
A baby letting off a cry for hunger

I begin to block them out my mind
To achieve my most beloved state
A complete detachment to the world
Amidst the tranquil stupor of slumber

Within the walls of my astral trance
I am once again liberated
From the restrictions of reality
And the confines of the bitter truth

I turn into anyone I want to be
A girl out of a prolonged depression
A woman living in pure contentment
A person who lived a full life

With my dreams I am everything
So wake me not from my restful sleep
For from here on in unravels
My sweetest escape to nirvana