Pipe Dreams on Rainy Days

Lightning strikes the ground
Thunder echoes across the land
As heaven sends down the tears denied
To comfort the poor mortal that was I

My heart beats ecstatic
As I kiss the deluge of rain
For here I could make believe
Let go and allow myself to pretend
In a few measly moments
I would be drenched with fairy magic
The one that transports me to him

People may shake their heads
In disbelief and in disgust
To behold such a livid spectacle
Of a happily plastered girl soaking wet

Though they will never know
Never bound to understand
Its unadorned mirth of illusion
Its unforgiving pain of reality
And how at the end of the day
I would give up anything
At the cost of losing sanity
For another minute more

Adulterated

I inhale the smoke
Permit its nicotine poison
Fill my weakened lungs
Hazy images blur my eye

I watch the world revolve
Happily in its twisted axis
Without me
Everything spins dizzyingly
And I am left staring like an idiot

I breathe in deeply
Ascertain that the poison entwines
Into my thinning blood

I light another cigarette
As one fizzles away
Delight in the thought
Of my stolen life minutes
From every intake
My life is draining out
I am not complaining

My Waterloo

i shiver uncontrollably
in spite of the palpable heat
my heart could not find peace

my calm exterior belies their eyes
for inside is a fragile being
that threatens to shatter any moment
fear has it by the throat
its slender fingers wound tight
i could scarcely breathe

a minute that flew past
was like an hour of muffled agony
tears were blinked back
pleas were swallowed hard
atrophy creeps into my body
for fear has rendered me paralyzed

i gave in as soon as i choked
kissed and made love with cold Death
no one would save me anyway
i would not even save myself

Death over Life

i hear the somber bells toll
summoning my languid body
dearly beloved Death
is beseeching me once more
must i heed his loving call?

his bony hand snakes around my wrist
beckoning me to his realm
must i take a step forward?
his scythe poised around my neck
teasing me with its treacherous blade
must i pull myself closer and have it pierce me?

i set my blank oculus
to the weary life of the world
trying to muster even a shred of sympathy
but came upon to nothing

i gaze back to Death's face
clutch his beguiling scythe
& begin to hack myself
until my blood poured out
of this hollow shell

Invalid

i stand naked and immobile
in the midst of a bustling crowd
with forlorn eyes and a twisted mouth

despite the obvious stream of mankind
i hear only an empty echo
deep within the recesses of my heart
i sense the surging saline waters
forming in the corners of my eyes
i feel like an abysmal void
in place of a supposed human being

i can be no more different
to a single stray lamppost
on a dark and deserted alley
with its light bulb shattered
its body bent out of shape
no longer serving its purpose

Free Fall to Arcadia

as i jump off a cliff
eyes shut tight
arms wide open
a grin spread on my face
like black plague over the people
i anticipate the moment
when i hit the jagged rocks
like an addict waiting for a fix

in a split second
i hear my bones get crushed
feel immense pain rage into my body
then it was all over
a peace settles around me
& there i was
broken beyond recognition
but the smile lingered on

Lachrymal Atonement

Saline waters
Find their way
To my sallow flesh
Flowing endlessly
From the abysmal pools
Of this four-chambered vessel

Drop by drop
There is a story to tell
Each tear is filled
With unimaginable anguish
Each tear a manifestation
Of unsung sorrow

Its existence an irony
For each one is rooted from euphoria
Each one is borne from utopia

A teardrop serves
As a compensation
For my grave debt
Dues that need be reimbursed
For every moment of bliss
For every slice of heaven
That my undeserving self
Partakes from this temptress of a world

Sanity Has Flown

I now awake
To another nightmare
A nightmare I could
Never run from nor escape
Clutching my heart in a tight vise
Refusing to release me from its bind

I shut my eyes close
Desiring to sleep
Perchance dream is there
To engulf me whole
Intoxicate me with silence
Distort my consciousness

Yet unseeing and protracted
As my pupils could be
It could neither shield
Nor envision completely
What I had willed my mind
To shamelessly blind and fool me

But no, never
Could my sought after
Be ever grasped
By these puny hands of mine
For sanity had grown its wings
Forever departed from this life

Otherworldly Realism

It may seem
That my poor heart
Has gone through the worst
It has ever known
It had traversed
The heights of heaven
And the depths of hell

It may feel
That this heart
May never want
To open itself up again

But somehow
It has found peace at last
For in a brief moment
Of this dismal existence

My heart had loved
And had been loved in return
By the very person
It had always dreamt of
And never thought would ever find
Fairytales do come true

Musings in the Dark

Twilight materializes
I am in solitude
There is no crowd
To pretend to

The silence is torture
For I could hear
How my heart cries
I could feel its pain

It hurts me most
For I have no choice
But to act as if
It never existed
Be deaf to its pleas

How can I tell my heart
That he’s truly gone
That he no longer
Seeks for me but for her
That it is she whom he loves

Why do I have to be
The murderer of my inane heart

Girl Non-Existent

As the blazing sun
Begins to obscure its face
With the lush dark greens
Of the willowing trees
A pallid apparition
Worked itself into the crowd

No trace of a smile
Could be seen on its lips
Not even a faint glimmer
Of light be reflected in its eyes
Her face was like that
Of a mask frozen in time

Though seemingly distant
Like a picture unperturbed
Inside of her was a tumult
Of unbidden emotions
Wailing in sheer protest
To be recognized and known

In truth she was no ghost
Of flesh and blood she is made
Yet she is one and the same
For she remains to be unseen
By the very person she had wished
To behold and find her true

No Wooden Puppet

I wish God will be reminded today
That I am no wooden puppet
That can be taken out when needed
And be put back when the show is over

The strings serve as the noose
That clutches my throat
Strangling me to death

I am all flesh and blood
I can feel the gentleness of joy
I can feel the sharpness of pain
I sing with happiness
I cry with sorrow

I am no wooden puppet
I am a human struggling to live
Cut me and I bleed
Stab me and I die

Spare me Lord
I wish to be seen not found

Muted Darkness

Shadows has set foot
On our earthen land
Though its presence
No longer invites the chill
To immerse itself into my heart

For the thought of you
And your saccharine love
Had me encapsulated
Liberating such great warmth and joy
To come to me who has long been isolated

Dawn may have tomorrow
Yet to gloriously unfurl
The brilliant sun's rays
But I need its light no more
For you had already spilled
Your life to intertwine with mine

Incarcerated

Thy love is my chain
Thy soul is my ball
I am weighed down and bound
To the fires of your hell

I scream my voice hoarse
In the hopes that you'll be moved by me
Or rouse beloved death
And be taken away into nothingness

All efforts seemingly futile
For you remain impassive and cold
But death had arriveth
Harnessing my abused soul

I am incarcerated
For a grain of God's time
To die and decay
'Til you are no more

Saccharine Delirium

A nervous tic in my eye
An anxious twitch in my lip
A thousand thoughts twined
To the blood rushing to my brain

Vivid memories flash swiftly
Blood-stained concrete walls
Gut-strewn wooden floor
Enveloped with a rancid smell

Deafening noises drown each other out
Screams of tormented horror
Moans of intense suffering
Pleas of mercy for a life

I laugh out loud maniacally
As the vengeful scenes come to mind
My unfeeling heart bleeds not for
The act I have unlawfully executed

Before my muddied feet
Lay the remains of a dark man
In a state of decomposition
Cut open and smeared with gore

His earthen grave waits
Like a yawning pit in the night
As lightning strikes from afar
Revealing a girl with murder in her eyes

On The Verge

I rest my sullen cheek
On a frosted-up window
My woeful eyes I fixate
Upon the tempest before me

As I withhold my sight
Isolate all sensations
Alienate all thoughts
I become one with the chaos

The roaring thunder
Could not be any louder than
The yawning chasm within me
Eating up my consciousness

The bone-chilling gale
Could not be any colder than
The intense numbness in me
Infecting all of my senses

The pouring rain
Could not be as numerous as
The saline fluid that has been
Sheltering in my irises

As the ravaging storm howls
So does my dying soul
For inside I am but
A tempest of pain and sorrow

Aegri Somnia

Morpheus come to me
Embrace me into your realm
Where dream resides
Where despair is a trace

Inhale the opium vapors
Delight in its haze
Wallow in intoxication
Seek out the oblivion

Delirium is at its toes
Chasing me murderously
Waiting for my guts to spill
Further blind me to the truth

Death lick my wounds
Clot out the bloody flesh
Consume the continual destruction
Of the fiber of my very being

Rendezvous with desire
Stoke up the white hot flame
Of my encumbered spirit
Release it from destiny's bind

Morpheus come to me
Capsulate me to a trance
There I'll seduce the tranquility
Rape my elusive sanity

In Death's Mercy

Death you thief
You've stolen my world
There's no damned thing
That I could call my own

Such is the antipathy I feel
For your shameless pretense
Further is my veiled envy
To the souls liberated by you

Why does it have to be me
Who was always punished
By the seemingly never-ending
String of anguish and woe

Why does it have to be me
Who had to carry the burden
Of such a bitter misfortune
Of a tragic deprivation

You have pained me well
I can imagine you gloating
Over my earthly carcass
Delighting in my agony

Slit my throat now
Warm your filthy hands
With my noxious blood
I am at your disposal

Fata Morgana

Purge my emotions out
Of this four-chambered vessel
Hold fast to this foolishness
That has been fostered by an illusion

Wake up from this I must
This could be nothing more than
A mere figment of my imagination
A dream that conjured up in my mind
And took form in my twisted reality

Self-preservation is mine to achieve
I only have myself to swear by
To be betrayed by one is like
Being fed with lies by the world itself

Hitherto I myself am deceived
By my very own consciousness
I am left with no other choice
But to murder the voice inside
Giving way to a truer embodiment

Not that the populace would notice
Not that the cosmos would give a damn
You did not see me before
So how and why would you see me now?

Red-Handed Existence

Behold the blood in my hands
No water could wash them off
Some has already coursed through my veins
Taking its control over me

It serves as a screaming reminder
Of the bitter truths I hide from
The reddish gore has never left me alone
Clinging to me like a dirt-cheap whore

As night befalls the earthen floor
Voices within me become intolerable
Their continuous mockery and taunting
Led to my sanity's hopeless demise

The piteous cries of her unborn child
The maniacal curses of a scorned lover
The frustrated admonitions of an old woman
All have found a dwelling in my being

I am a cold-blooded murderer
I have thoughtlessly killed them all
No saline-filled eyes or gangrene wounds
Can desensitize the remorse I now hold

My insides are maggot-infested
This is but a hollow shell
I have come upon no peace
The dead never sleeps